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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, out of nowhere, a ball comes flying at me. I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” The kids just laugh. I can’t even be mad. They’re having the time of their lives.

Russian forces shell Mykolaiv Oblast: 1 civilian killed, damage to residential buildings